Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Some Days are Not Like Others

Do you every feel like you just need to pray? Without knowing why, without any measure of understanding what's going on? Just that feeling, like you're going to need God to be especially close to you? I've felt like that lately. I get this sometimes, almost like I know something is going to happen. I felt it just before the terrorist attack on  the Charlie Hebdo magazine in Paris. I've been feeling it for a while, this sort of feeling that something is going to be happening in my life, good or bad, that is going to test my faith. Something I'm going to need to be prepared for.
I've been having a lot of discussions with a friend lately, and one thing she's brought up is the point that life's not fair. Specifically, how unfair it is that one person can work their whole lives trying to accomplish something, and another person comes along and gets it on the first go. She said it felt unjustified, like the second person didn't earn it and therefore didn't deserve it.
Hardships are designed to make us question. Question others, question ourselves. Question God. Think about Job; the entire point of the suffering the Devil inflicted upon him was to make him reject his faith in God.
The difference lies in what my youth pastor (aka my dad) describes as "head knowledge" versus "heart knowledge". The first thing I think of in this Jeremiah 29:11
"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord;
'plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans to give you hope and a future.'" NIV
I could have recited this verse when I was eight years old. But it wouldn't have meant anything. The verse itself is head knowledge. Logically, when something happens we should not be concerned because God says He has everything under control. But consider what other parts of the Bible say.
"I have hidden your word in my HEART,
that I might not sin against you."
-Psalm 119:11 NIV
This is where heart knowledge comes in. A few years ago, I found myself really stuck in a rut, unable to motivate myself to do anything. I still end up there on a semi-regular basis, and I've come to terms with it as a psychological routine that I'm just going to have to deal with, but the first time I just couldn't seem to get out. You've all had those days I'm sure when your friends tell you "you're beautiful" and you really want to believe it, but you can't convince your heart that it's the truth. That's the difference, the tell-all between head knowledge and heart knowledge. Bible verses are head knowledge. Faith in what they mean to you is heart knowledge.
Some days, I really wish I could see the future. I wish I could even get a glimpse into God's plan for me. Unfortunately, that hasn't happened yet, but when I get feelings like this I really try not to ignore them. These feelings, for me, are a conviction. A reminder that I should be super-close with God ALL of the time, not just when I feel like something's going to happen. The friend I mentioned earlier? I gave her advice to comfort her dilemma, and maybe I should follow it myself. I told her that sometimes God does things, things we don't feel we deserve, because He's trying to tell us something. Maybe that message right now is a sort of reminder that without God, I am nothing. Without God, I have no reason to exist. Without God, I should be afraid of what's going to happen.
If you feel God has put it on you, I would ask you to pray for me. I don't know what's going to happen in my life over the next few weeks but my month-long blogging break is evidence of how stressed and busy I am. And, as always, I am happy to pray for you if you would like me to. Actually, I'm praying for all of you whether I know who you are or not, but if there is something specific I would love to lift that up. Feel free to comment, and I hope you all have a wonderful day.

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