Sunday, September 7, 2014

The Voices in My Head

Hey, guys. I know I haven’t posted for a little while, but last week was just rough, and I didn't have the energy or the heart to put anything up.
Right now, before you read the rest of this post, I recommend that you take a moment to pray. If you’re anything like me, you’re probably reading this because you have a 3-minute window between activities in your massively-overloaded schedule, but trust me; take time to connect with God, even just for a minute. It’s worth it.

Even writing this post is hard. This issue is so close to my heart, and for many of you, it’ll probably be hard to read, because it’s something we all struggle with: insecurity.
A week or so ago, I said something in school that made it very clear to everyone around me what my views are: I stated that I believe homosexuality to be a wrong and unnatural way for people to live. I’m not really going to focus on what I actually said, though; that’s really not the point I’m trying to make. The point is that the instant I said it, I felt almost every person in the room turn to look at me. Then down at my shirt. Then back at me. My shirt said “Property of Jesus” on it.
Again; this isn’t really the point. I’m not looking to have a “homosexuality and the Bible” discussion; not right now. But wearing a shirt that identified me as a Christian and offering a controversial and rather unpopular opinion, I felt very marked. Very marked and very, very insecure.
I try to live totally uncompromising when it comes to God’s Word. But when everyone around me is trying to tell me the opposite, it gets really, really hard. For me, a Christian girl in a public high school, few topics are harder to deal with than purity.
I have a purity pledge, where I’ve promised myself to God and to the man He has chosen for me. But when no one at school notices me because I wear mostly t-shirts and jeans, it can be so tempting to pull out that v-neck, or that cute-but-low-cut sweater, just for the satisfaction of being noticed. I was told once, by a fellow high school girl, that if I would just “let go and draw a little attention to myself, guys might actually think you’re pretty enough to be noticed.” Whether or not she meant this to be insulting, I will never know. But the point remains that it hurts. While most of us don’t hear it this directly, we feel this message being thrown at us every day, and it’s hard to be secure in our purity.
But Jesus knew that the world was and will always be giving us this message, and in John 7:24, he commands the Pharisees, “‘Stop Judging by mere appearances and make a right judgment.’” We are not to focus on what we look like to other people, or what they look like to us. Still, though, it’s hard. It will always be. What do we do when we just can’t seem to get over the feeling that we’re not beautiful enough o ever be noticed? When we feel overcome by our own insecurity? When we can’t hear God because there are too many voices screaming at us that we aren’t worth anything? I hear these voices in my head almost every day, trying to make me believe these lies. How do I handle it? What do we do?

Run to Jesus. If I had a dime for every time I’ve cried myself to sleep begging God to show me that someone really will think I’m beautiful, I would be rich beyond compare. There’s no shame in crying out for God to just get you through one more day. Some nights, it’s too hard even to pray; I just have to trust that He knows what I need, and that He’s holding me.
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” –Psalm 34:18


  1. You are 100% correct! There is NOTHING wrong with crying out to God. King David did it all the time, and he also did what you are doing: he wrote down his insecurities, sadness, thoughts, prayers, and praise. It is beautiful to witness you do a 180°! You start out like David, lamenting, but finish with an affirming prayer of praise and confirming God's GOODNESS. You speak of trust (faith), being held by God (hidden/safe), and scripture, "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit (Psalm 34:18)." That is true beauty!

    Besides, waiting for a REAL MAN of GOD is worth the wait! Worldly men, the kind of men who notice girls in v-neck t-shirts and low-cut sweaters have nothing but heartache to give to you. Their "love" is not worth the price it would cost you; I promise this is true. I squandered my purity so I am worth listening to on this topic.

    Also, as tough as it is, tell those voices, inside your head, to go to hell. That's not cursing either because that is literally where those voices belong. They are not of God, and they have no place inside His holy temple: you! So, tell the Devil and his band of miserable misfits to take a hike in Jesus' MIGHTY name!

    Pray to the Lord a simple prayer, "Lord, I give to you my mind today. It's yours to keep. Renew it. Silence it, and shield it from the enemy. Crown my head with the everlasting peace and joy of your son, Jesus Christ. Thank you, Lord, for protecting me and delivering me from these evil voices. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen."

    "Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious (1 Peter 3:3-4)." Not one of us was created to impress men; we were created to please God. You have the beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit and, therefore, you are precious to God!

  2. Very, very true, Christy, in so many ways. Thank you for sharing; at some point, I'm actually hoping to do a post with Proverbs 31 and the representations of beauty there. I just have to get my life together first. :)

  3. Way to go, girl! I just want to say, you won a battle there. Even though you may have felt awful.

    I was homeschooled through 12th grade, so I can only guess how it would feel to say that in a roomful of kids that you see every day...(And I have a good imagination. Ouch.)

    I am 20 now and go to a large secular university. I've only said to a couple people (outside of InterVarsity Christian Fellowship) that I'm a Christian. And I could just feel the atmosphere change. And those people I only see rarely because everyone's not on the same schedule!

    But still, I just wanted to say that this hits very close to home for me as well. And I'm sure for many, many others! I don't want to compromise God's Word either! But when I'm dropped in that battlefield, it can get SO hard! For me, it's fearing the how you put it, "being marked". Fearing what people think about me.

    But the beauty of the Gospel is that BEING SET APART IS THE POINT! We are no longer of the world. I'm trying to let that sink in to my thick head.

    I also just wanted to encourage you that the guys that matter will notice you, even in jeans and t-shirts. They will notice you BECAUSE you dress modestly. They will notice you for your character.

  4. Thanks, Stephanie. :) As I work through this blog, I'm beginning to notice something very interesting: as I post things that I hope are encouraging to other girls, God pulls them around and uses what I post to encourage me as well. I was never home schooled, but I imagine it must have been a little hard to switch from home schooling to a secular university setting. Keep at it, though; God has been reminding me, little by little every day, that some things are worth fighting for no matter the cost.